Separation and divorce are two things which couples never expect to happen when they start their relationship. Every married couple has vowed to keep their relationship and to build a strong family in the eyes of the law.
However, circumstances when staying together under the same roof would only become detrimental to the spouses, as well as to the offspring, it is better severed than continued. Despite the possible advantages of separation and divorce, these have also detrimental impacts on the children.
Here are just a few of them:
Feeling of Sense of Loss
The first weeks or months after the divorce are the most devastating period for our children. If parenting was already tough when both parents were present, taking care of them by oneself would be more challenging. Parenting becomes even more difficult because of the various emotional distress that our children would undergo.
Once our children find out about the divorce, they would immediately feel a sense of loss- loss of a parent, their home, and a whole and complete family. They would fear to lose everything they have at present.
Their sense of loss would be later changed with anger. Our children would look for people to blame for their present family turmoil. They might feel mad at you or at themselves.
Some children would blame either or both parents of the separation. They would think that the parents have not tried harder to fix whatever problems they were experiencing with their relationship. Meanwhile, there are also kids who think that they are at fault for the divorce. Since they could not comprehend the situation well, they think that their parents could not handle them.
When children feel pity for themselves, insecurity occurs. Their self-esteem and confidence crumble. Some children even behave younger than their age- they may experience nightmares, bedwetting, and clinginess. Other children even start to disobey their parents.
What should we do then?
As parents, we should explain to our children the reasons why we are getting separated or divorced. We should be able to clearly communicate to them and assure them that we will still be their parents despite what happened between us and our spouse.
Whether we have the custody of our children or not, we should still continue to be involved in their lives. If we have not been used to the set-up, we can always enroll in a fatherhood program in a Fatherhood Training Center in Bronx, New York like Fathers 4 Progress Inc.
Never let your divorce or separation get in the way of your relationship with your children. We can continue being fathers to them despite our situation. It would only need a little extra effort and more love to be the right Dad for our children.